Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I think my moral compass just broke
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