Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
