I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
