well I can't set my house on fire every night
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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