How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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