Kareoke will never be a sober sport
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
