I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize