i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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