There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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