i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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