What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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