I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
