what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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