thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
vagina is talking i cant
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
