i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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