Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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