I look better un-naked...
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
