While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
