She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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