just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
