piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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