Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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