see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
