if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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