All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
