Well apparently he's into motor boating.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Farmville is her only friend.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
