hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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