Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
