Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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