awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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