I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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