He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
