Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
