I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
