I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
