the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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