If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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