Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
