I want you more than these girls want KFC
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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