I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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