He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
