you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
bring money and cleavage
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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