Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
