I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize