It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
