That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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