I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
COCAINE IS GR8
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
