Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
