I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
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