i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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