giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
