That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
