im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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