You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
