The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
