She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
