i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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