fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
the day after is always just damage control
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
