She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
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I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
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I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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