I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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