To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
