Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
