i need an iv and a liver transplant
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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