operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Holy sore nipples Batman
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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