i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
