ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
