Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
