I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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