we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
