I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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