Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
