do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
