My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
you would pick up someone in the library
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
