Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
